After taking notes and benefitting from the lectures that Masjid Tawhīd Wa Sunnah gave out in their last seminar, I wanted to share some brief points I took note of while I was attending the lectures. This topic is about women having good adab (manners/etiquette) towards their husbands:
O Women of Islām, it is an obligation upon you all to obey your husbands:
Abū Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"If a woman guards her private parts and obeys her husband, then she will be able to enter into any of the doors of Jannah that she wishes." (1)
He (رضي الله عنه) also reported that the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"Any women who her husband calls her to his bed, and she refuses, then he becomes angry with her as a result of that, so the angels will curse her until morning." (2)
If a wife wants to fast a specific day, she must ask permission for her husband to do so. This is because if the husband knows that she will be exhausted at night due to fasting, and as a result she cannot fulfill a need for him, then she must obey him and not fast. If he commands her to stay inside of the house, then she must stay inside of the house (3). If he does not command her to haram, then a woman is to obey her husband at all costs!
Narrated ʿAlī (رضي الله عنه), Fāṭima bint Muḥammad (رضي الله عنها), the daughter of the Prophet (ﷺ), complained to him (ﷺ), regarding difficulty in the service of her husband, ʿAlī ibn Abī Ṭālib (رضي الله عنه), She then asked the Prophet (ﷺ) for a slave to assist her, so the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"Shall I not tell you of something which is better for you than a slave? When you (both) go to your beds, say 'Allāhu Akbar' 33 times, 'Subhanallāh' 33 times, and 'Alḥamdulillāh' 33 times, for that is better for you than a slave." (4)
He (ﷺ) encouraged this so that she does not have to leave off serving her husband.
The wife is not to allow any other person inside her husband's home if he does not approve of it. Also, it is obligatory upon the wife to serve her husband, as her husband is like her master.
The wife should also not burden her husband and make things difficult for him (likewise for the husband as well), and she also must safeguard her husband in terms of herself and his wealth.
Similarly, she must display gratitude to her husband in terms of her speech, behavior and belief likewise. She must be grateful to him within her heart, and it is not sufficient for her to say "Jazāk-Allāhu Khairan" in an empty manner. Rather, she must feel genuine compassion and gratitude towards her husband when she says this.
ʿAbdullāh ibn ʿAmr reported that the Prophet (ﷺ), said:
"Allāh will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband whilst she cannot take care of herself without him." (5)
Narrated ibn Abbas (رضي الله عنه), the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
"I was shown the hellfire and that the majority of its inhabitants were women due to their kufr."
It was asked:
"Are they disbelievers?"
He (ﷺ) replied:
"No, but rather they are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you.'" (6)
And Allāh (ﷻ) knows best.
May Allāh bless you, and shukran.
Sources :
1. Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 4163, graded Ṣaḥīḥ according to al-Arnāʾūṭ
2. Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim book 16, ḥadīth 143
3. It should also be mentioned that it is most befitting for a woman to stay inside her home whenever possible:
"And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance. And establish prayer and give zakāt and obey Allāh and His Messenger. Allāh intends only to remove from you the impurity [of sin], O people of the [Prophet's] household, and to purify you with [extensive] purification." (Qurʾān 33:33)
4. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī book 80, ḥadīth 15
5. Sunan an-Nasā’ī 9086
6. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī book 2, ḥadīth 22